How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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