he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
