i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
