I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
