I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
BRING THE BAGELS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
