You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
