i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
