well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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