Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
