I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
