I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
