At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My room smells like vodka and shame
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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