I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
