She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
