I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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