Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
