the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
