don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
