I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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