why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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