I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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