When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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