He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
