a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
