got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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