I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
