It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
