I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
