Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
