Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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