Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
