Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
