apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
