I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
