Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
