i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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