Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
