oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
