oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
