No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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