I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
