my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
