Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
