my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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