you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
