Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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