Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Buhtt sex?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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