as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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