He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
