He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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