You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
