Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
